Grace, Grit, and Getting It Wrong: What Motherhood Actually Teaches You

You think you know yourself. And then you become a mom.

In Episode 4 of Off The Agenda with TLC, Tonichi, Larah, and Claire set aside their leadership hats and get into the role that changed them most: motherhood. This is their Mother's Day episode, and it is exactly what you would expect from three women who never do anything halfway.

They talk about who they were before: the ambitious one, the happy-go-lucky one, the self-directed one who lived by a strict rule book, and what happened to all of that the moment a child arrived and quietly rewired everything.

From Larah's moment of laser-sharp instinct when Max choked on an M&M, to Tonichi becoming fiercer and softer at the same time as a young single mom, to Claire learning that grace is not about being gentle -- it is about staying faithful even on the days it is hard to love them. This episode goes there.
They also ask their kids. And the answers will get you.

90% of motherhood is sacrifice. The other 10% is incomparable. And if you have ever second-guessed yourself as a parent, this one is your reminder that you are exactly who your child needs.

Happy Mother's Day, Sang’gres. This one is for you. 🤍

Off The Record, On Your Heart:

• You Were a Whole Person Before. Motherhood Did Not Complete You; It Rebuilt You. And the version that came out the other side is someone worth knowing.
• Your Instincts Are Not Anxiety. They Are Information. That hypervigilance, the constant calculation, the awareness that does not switch off -- that is not overthinking. That is love in its most alert form.
• 90% of Motherhood Is Sacrifice. The 10% Is Incomparable. And it is more than enough. Every time.
• Being Present Is Not the Same as Being Available. They need you when they need you -- not when your calendar clears. Showing up on their timeline is the whole game.
• Grace Is Not Gentleness. Grace Is Staying. Faithful in the hard days. Present when they have nothing to give back. There when it is inconvenient. That is where real love lives.
• You Do Not Have to Be a Perfect Mother. You Have to Be Theirs. And there is a reason they were given to you specifically.
• The Fact That You Are Asking If You Are Enough Means You Already Are. The ones who stop asking are the ones to worry about. Keep asking. Keep showing up.

We'd Love to Hear Your Stories!

Drop your story in the comments, send us a message on Instagram, or tag us in your own check-in moment. 

© 2026 A Team Dklutr Production

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Why does it feel like I'm not there? Yeah. For them. Motherhood showed me how to show up. Show up when to show up. And show up even when you don't want to show up. And even when you're so exhausted.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

It removed my boundaries for love. I feel like motherhood really deepened who I am and allowed me to feel emotions on a very different level. And your definition of what is success for me. It's gotta be something that's sustainable, something that my ambition now is something that'll make me present, allow me to be present in my daughter's life.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Motherhood changed me by showing me what grace means. Grace to me used to be kindness. And then I learned that grace meant staying, meant faithfulness, especially when your child or children is hurting.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Yay! I'm so excited. So we're so excited because this is a very special episode for us three and all of our community name, all of our Starlight. Please suggest, yes. Although a lot of people like sangre, actually, that feeling. Today's episode is our tribute to Motherhood, since this is our special Mother's Day episode. So we are so excited to have you join us today.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Yeah, very, very close to our hearts. All three of us.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

Normally, when people think about motherhood, they think about sacrifice and love and the big emotions. But today we'll start by talking about really what motherhood has changed in us. And that is what we're going to dive into today. How does motherhood change? Actually, that's a good place to start. Who were you or what were you like before motherhood? Yes. Motherhood. Before motherhood, I was somebody who was I liked being in the thick of things. I liked, you know, being in motion. I was about going after things. Going after things. Ambitions, goals, partying, maganyan. Some of that on the side. But really, it was about what I wanted, my focuses, my journey. That's who I was before motherhood. Fast pace, ganon. Okay. Who wants to go next? I'll go next, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

I was very young when I became a mother. Okay. So it changed. I was very young when I became a mother. I think in the previous episode we talked about me not being very academic. When I became a mother, that response.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

No say before mother.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

Before mother motherfucker. Okay. Casing. I was very young, so academic. Ah, okay. Yes, and I was still in school. Happy, happy Google. Oh, happy, happy. Cheerleader. Ra rah-ra. And then boom, I became a mother. Um, the responsibility was done upon me. There were different people who were giving me advice. Some were saying, you know what, you just focus on the future, finish your studies, and then, or there were others who said, you'll have to just focus on being a mom and stop schooling. Yeah. And so I got very early on, I got into a crossroad. I was forced into maturity.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

Pause. Yes. Maria ngnating crossroads and maturity journey nya na yan. You. See no ka before becoming a mother.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

I think in previous episodes I've shared na. You know, I grew up with a responsibility. So malun ng natalagaho. I came into responsibility very early on. I walked into rooms where there was always some self-direction. Alamyan yung yung typical na happy go lucky or carefree child. Happy go lucky. But that was me before motherhood.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

Yes. So now we dive into who we became. What were some of the things that changed first when you became a mother? Yes. Exciting po itong transition stories. Okay, no. But let's let's start. I'll start. First of all, a shout-out. Boys club, BTS, and voila. Okay. So what changed for me when I became a mom? First, I think the tolerance for many things that I used to be okay with. I think when before I became a mom. I was a lot more patient with like bad customer service. And yeah, I just didn't, I went with the flow because it only affected me. You know what I mean? Like it was just me. There was nobody else. So that's one. I became less tolerant for a lot of things. The second one was a very different kind of awareness and vigilance for you're always alert, you're always anticipating. There's always your mind is always calculating. That's how I felt I became when I had Max. Can I share a quick story? Sure, sure, sure. No, mga four years old Max. One of the things Max loved was eating MMs. So I remember I gave her a bowl of MMs. Some master's bedroom itola. No chang video says so. Binigay kuna bowl. I went to the bathroom because I needed to pee. Okay. I kid you not. But 30 seconds palagsa, I hear a little bit of a so brang faint. So brang faint. And normally, if it were me in the previous era, I probably would have not even heard that. Yeah. You know, you're only aware of yourself before you become a mom. I just knew instinctively that there was something wrong. But in retrospect, I think about it. Very faint. Ha! I run out, guys. Have I like I'm in the middle of my business. And she's there, she's she's like joking on an MN. And the worst, one of the worst moments of my life, my God. And normally, Sean, my husband will say, when it comes to Max, I tend to be, I look very panicky on the outside. But I'll tell you, in that moment, laser focus, like chang, chank, chang. I'm I'm like, I'm behind her, like chak, chak, I've never even done that in my life, no. And uh candy, you know, it came out. But I remember what that moment was like for me. And of course I cried after. But it was one of the worst moments of my life. And I knew instinctively, one, two, three, ganon guys! Even classing level, ang performance. But there's someone precious. That's true. So that's one of the vigilance, the alert that that was that changed for me.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Okay, like I said, I was very young when I when I became a mother, and so that was when the ambition came in. So if they listened to the previous episode, listen to it, yes. Right? Because like I said, I was not academic at all. But towards the last terms of my college years, like I was so focused on graduating on time and with really flying collars. I was told by multiple people that wala tapus nah, bashado ka mbata. So it's a direction. Not that it became so clear to me that okay, now I really need to focus on graduating on time because I had people around me who were not graduating on time. Yeah. Happy lan kame. Surprisingly graduated on time. And then I that's when I knew exactly what I wanted to do. So the ambition and the drive to be amazing and to do something great of my life kicked off from that.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

I think for me, the biggest change was because I said very early on. I knew coming in early, I knew that I had goals, I had gold stars to chase. I think what changed for me is that the Claire before motherhood was I lived my life through a rule book. Very stringent taho. Meal na kon study time, meal na ho. Yeah. And I felt like I boxed people into stereotypes. So but yung way y'all, dapat gana nito, dapat gano, dapat gina. I play by my own internal rules. I play by my rule book. And I tend to force fit people into those. Nung na ging mama ho. Dukana understand na. No, you can't do that. You gotta widen yourself to who they really are. Not how they fit to your thought of what they should be. Yeah. Cause for example, Riley, my daughter, is very different from who I am. She's very creative. As an opposite polls kami. And now that, you know, I'm mature, I celebrate that about her. If she had met the Claire before being a mom, she would have said this be a like you don't appreciate me because I'm not, you know, boxed into that rule book that you have. So feeling ko yunyon talagang ngbagusa, 118 degrees. Instead of force fitting people, it became who are you really? And I'm interested. I'm curious to know.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

I also uh But did you become like more selective of certain things or certain aspects of your life or like like your time, like all of that.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Very, and I think that's one thing about becoming a mother. You can't afford busyness for the sake of busyness. Yeah. But gwala ma shadung says, Yes, right? Yes. And it is your most important role. Yeah. Yeah. I always say this. I know, you know, we've built careers over several decades. But my most important role is being a mother. And I cannot tolerate let's prepare for the preparation of the prepare call of the tracker, of the tracking of the get to the most important thing, get it done. I have less tolerance for busyness for the sake of being.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

I am so unimpressed by that too. Like 20 hours, ka mag ano. Preparation for the preparation for the preparation. Yeah, and I guess it works for some people. Yeah. Right? I mean, but definitely when you become a parent, it's a whole pivot. It's a whole pivot.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

And one thing na ad kodono. I became very less tolerant of theatrics. That they grandstand. It just eats up a lot of time. Yeah. Right? Why don't we just get to what's important? Get down to it. Do what's necessary. Let's get to the work so that we can move on. Yeah. Ng san pagwe mga grandstanding theatrics. Gumagea. Nam mi panga. Video panic.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Maga yang. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

Okay. Let's talk about ambition then. Because actually, Tonichi brought that up. And I it's interesting, your journey as a young mom, and then that's when your ambition kicked in. So tell us a little bit more. So it definitely refined your ambition.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

I think a large part of it was because I experienced being a single mom. And let's be clear that I had a strong support. I am thankful for the support that I received from family during that period because that was very important. But I also got advice of yung, I'm not going to be able to do it. You're pregnant. So you're done. So it's like I had to prove that I guess that was one of the gold stars, right? Yeah. I had to prove na hidn di my life does not end here. I in and in fact I will prove to you that that's what it is. So I have so much respect for your stories. Kasi your stories shifted to, you know, how your personalities were nurtured because of Mother Hood. Parang sahin kasi was a little bit different because I think that's a good thing. While I had support, I'm the only one who can do this, who will do this, and I cannot count on anybody. That's why I was focused on making sure that I get somewhere. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

I mean, I'm really in awe of that because when I became a mom, I was what, early 30s. So I was very mature. I mean, compared to what age you were and how early you were in your journey. And to weather that shift at that time and still do everything else and still get to where you are.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Like I said, I was in school when I was pregnant. And I said sab sa ki nang dadiko. No. Ah, oh. And that entire mindset changed. I have to be successful.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Yeah. You became fiercer. Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

I built muscles for who cares. Kayubain. Okay, guys, mag meeting taya bunt. Okay na bak. Yes. And it was in that age nana realized, yes. Okay, next natayo. Practice na tayang cheering natin. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

Yes. So definitely fiercer. Ambition. Yes. Fiercer. What about you?

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Something that's And I spoke about this in the past episode. Na, walatalaga m yung ambition or roadmap. And I also said that I knew I always had to be better. I guess what changed in that is the definition of what is better. Natika sa for me, it was very clear. Better meant promotion. Better meant my KPIs are all met. Better meant, you know, I was paid good enough, right? Those definitions of what better looks like for me, it shifted it. It evolved when I became a mom. It suddenly became, how did I do this? How did I get there? What is the journey like? The way that I got to do things and get to places where I am today. If I tell my children those, will they be proud of me? Yung yung definition known better. You know, I'm proud of my mom. She did that. And I can model something to them. To me, that meant more than just the accolades, just the all-green metrics, and obviously the pay. But to me, that that's a definition shift. What better meant for me and how my children will look at it.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

I'm aligned, very similar, I think. And I spoke about this as well in the previous episode, where your ambition now has shifted and your definition of what is success for me. It's gotta be something that's sustainable. My ambition now is something that'll make me present in my daughter's life in D Lang success, because I, you know, about getting paid more, of course, is always great because of the future of our kids, you know. So it's all tied back to that. But yes, I think that shift was very interesting for the three of us. Oh very interesting.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

And to think ngayun changing pa to ngato. Yes. Yes, that is true.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

Okay, let's talk about emotions. Emotional changes that we experienced coming into motherhood, emotional and psychological changes. I think people often don't realize all these changes happen because a lot of the changes happen inside. Inside. They don't see the shifts. They don't see the changes. Just like what I was saying earlier. Yung brain mo ibayung calculation lag it constantly. You're alert, you're thinking about. Even when you're looking at your time, you're looking at your schedule, you're calculating how much time pago, I can sit down with my daughter, pa da. Everything shifts. But all of that happens inside you. So let's talk about some of the emotional changes that you experienced. Did anything surprise you? I mean, you talked about you, you became stronger, fiercer. Is there anything else that you felt this is new, this is different? This is uh a new side of who I am. I think go ahead. I feel like this is a very weird contradiction that I experienced now as a mom. That I didn't know that opposite feelings could exist in the same sphere, right? You I'm so happy to see Max growing up, and I'm so happy to see her. She said to me a few years back, Mama, I want my alone time. And that was like, yay, she's getting independent. But also, so the joy, and then also the dread, that was a surprise. Like I didn't realize that that could be possible. You're so happy, you're so excited, but also you're like dreading it. So geno ng mga emotional shifts that were noticeable for me. I was very masayak masaya. Now it's like all like a spectrum. So anything different for you?

SPEAKER_01 20:11

I don't know. Because mine is very similar to yours. And it's like when I was so proud when my kids decided they wanted to study in Australia in in Sydney. I was so proud and yet so scared. Scared. Right? Like I worked so hard because I wanted to give them a sheltered life.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

Right? And then I got to a point where I'm so scared that they have such a sheltered life. Yeah. Like, okay, how do we unshelter this life a little bit?

SPEAKER_03 20:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

And so when they told me that we wanna study in Australia, I'm like, wow. Because the thought that their ambition or their mind is beyond just Philippines. Yeah. So we want to travel the world, we want to do this. I'm like, wow, go for it. And then when I took them there with a mindset that, you know, I will walk them through riding a bus, riding a train, as I was leaving them for the last time that day in Australia. As in parang tele series, I didn't want them to see it. Because I wanted them to know that I'm so proud of them, but there was such a big part of me that's just so scared. It's a kind world out there for them, and I don't know if it will be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

Similarly, Igdy. And I talked about how my mind works. It's always logic. And I believed in that system so much. And when I became a mom, the awareness of emotional judgment. You now base a lot of your decisions, especially with my children, on intent, not so much logic. And not to say that I'm loose or hindi kosilabini na consequences or anything like that, because that's obviously logical. But you tend to be a little bit more aware of the other person's feelings. Oh, gino wamuto, dapa ito yung punishment, right? Oh, hindi mw nagawato, dapa tito yung consequence. Hindi shapued. And as I grew through that journey of motherhood, I found myself more and more of what was she feeling when she was going through this? What was she thinking? And yung thought process behind gang yung ping ni ling yang action. And I guess we were all raised the same way. Yung yang yung, pagin ni mata gana wa ito consequence. Yeah. Ito punishment, kapaga me malika ganon. I found myself evolving that more too. I wanna understand how she was feeling at that time. And that's very unlikely of me. Hindi when I became a ma. And I think that was my biggest shift. I listen more, I pause. Kaita means kating kati na kona. Alam kasi. Nungana hun. Oh, diga means. Ma dada pa, makakama lika. Yeah. But I practice restraint. Talagang Okay? I listen, I pause, I react less. Yes. I wait. And what I learned is that just listening, it makes a world of difference. 100%. Makes a world of difference with them. I remember Red telling Nina one of the biggest things he taught me as a lesson is that alam kona manikalaging o' okay? But all I need for you is to listen. Just hear me out. You don't have to shut me down.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

And don't you feel like you experience emotions more intensely? Like when you're happy, even if it's over a small thing, your joy is like, oh god, ling mo anna. Or I'm so like that is. But also you get so scared, you think about saketka or you just feel a little bit, another ang o a mude na barang weight. I think upuntak papa X reapagado.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

And I have a theory about that fact na to sa mala mintao. You know, when people tell younger, no younger cousins or my sisters, they ask me, ateo bangano, motherhood is all rosy and dandy. And yeah. I always tell them this, and maybe this is just me. 90% of motherhood is sacrifice. It's tough. It's putting somebody before you all the time. Yes. It sits with you. It's not a burden to carry, but it it lives with you. Palagi kang aware. One step ahead, right? You make all of these trade-offs to become a parent. Forget about being a good parent, moon. But that 10% where there's joy, it's it's incompatible. Oh, yes. Yes. And it's more than enough to compensate for the 90%.

SPEAKER_02 25:23

Oh yes. There is nothing in the world that feels feels like it. So yeah. Yes. Okay. Was there anything else that you feel? Or did it make you calmer? Make you more anxious? I guess we we can't.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

We can talk about it. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

I can just imagine the anxiety of that. The anxiety I caused my dad too. Dad, okay. The anxiety. But also, like things that used to rattle you now. But whatever, right? Like in work, the work pressure na day, oh my god, my my business review hoyang. Okay, tara, let's go. Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

Yeah, that's the worst that can happen. I say the same thing to my kids. Yeah. Like, don't be afraid to do something. Because think about what's the worst that can happen. That's true. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

I guess because you know what's more important. Yeah. What matters more. Yes. As long as they're good. I can handle things. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 27:01

I love it. Okay, let's talk about our kids' perception.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

Perception. But I did my homework. Okay. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:16

Let's talk about that. What our kids' perception is. How we mother. Did you ask? I okay. This is a story I told you before. When she was younger, I was like in 2017, so she was maybe six years old. So it was a tough day at work. We work at night. And during those years, we were working night shift talking 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. 7 a.m. So I remember coming home at 7 a.m., 8 a.m. And usually that's when she wakes up. So hindi ako matutu lugag. Let's let's play. So I I remember joining her in her play space and sitting down. And she wanted to play a game and she was giving me instructions. And they were very detailed instructions about what I needed to say and yung gaga win dito sa gani tung ano pat and pag luluto payasa na walang patalin talent. And it had been a very exhausting day at work. So it was one of those days na pinagalita ng client, na ki pag away kasa, ano, escalation, escalation, ilang bes kana fall on your sword. Fall on. It was one tapos. My daughter was getting agitated. And she was like, Mama, I told you to do this. Yung na ii yak nasha. And I just felt like it was a moment of immaturity for me. I said, but baby, she was, Mama, why didn't you do this? I turned to her and I said, darling, I don't know. I I just made a mistake. Am I not allowed to make a mistake? Am I perfect? I said that to her like in a tantrumy way, but I have meant it. Like, I know, and I'm not going to be a good one. Am I perfect? Am I not allowed to make a mistake? Am I perfect? And she turned to me and she said, and she smiled and she said, You're perfect. She said, And that moment felt like I realized that really, no matter how bad we think we are at what we're doing as moms, they just see how great we are. And I feel like that's the perception that I continue to think we are who our kids need at the time. That's what I try to remind myself of, just like that moment.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

And that's very important because as moms, yung second guessing. Yeah. At yung alo alo ti nata ng sa lili mo enough bain gin noaho. Or did I react to it properly? Or mean san feeling mo patang ano naka respond yang tana in that conversation. And you replay that many, many times in your head. And then palkan pepper pairs business review. This is how I should have positioned it, etc. So it's very important. And I think that's what we usually forget that in their eyes. Yes. And my mom told me this you have to believe.

unknown 30:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

But yeah, perception.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

Tina nung mu basila. A long time ago, no kabilang, nila isa, Danny, I came home from work and I didn't see what Isa wrote. She wrote something because she needed my signature for school. And I didn't see it. So I was so tired, I slept. And I had a client meeting in the mor our morning. So when I woke up, I got ready, I had to leave now. So I didn't see her note. So the following day, right? So I was that day. So when I got home, TV ko nahalagay. I hate you, mom. And I saw it. And it was so big, right? Like, I hate you, mom. So under it, I was wondering why is she so angry? And it was like a reply slip, uh, permission for something. And I'm like, I forgot to do it to sign it. And she hates me. Dinibdib koyon. It's the other way, right? Dinibdib koyon. So I cried. In my mind, self-pity a hong. She hates me. So that day, so I slept papel. So that she could keep it. So I left it exactly where you can. And then she got she got it and then pretended like nothing. You didn't see it. I pretended. So I saw the paper, I signed it, and I said, hey Isa, don't forget to bring this here. Sad nya mom, thank you. So that moment I thought our kids don't really sometimes don't understand the exhaustion that we go through. For me also, it will never be an excuse. That exhaustion. Oh yeah. And I had to learn that the hard way. I couldn't fault her for hating me. That was the most for her. Yeah, going to school with that replies was the most important thing. Because papa teacher yields. So it was the most important thing. But talagang, it hit me to the core. Nah, why does it feel like I'm not there for them? So that was a pivot in me where I thought, okay, no matter how exhausted I am, I had to always show up. After na man, I love the night shift. Nung time na yang, I don't like the day shift because in the night shift, so when I get home, if I need to go to school, unlike day shift office, excuse, excuse, so since then, dunko na isap na ka I just gotta show up.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

Yeah. And you know, a lot of moms say, or parents in general, moms, dads. So I'll take it not so much from the quantity side, but for the quality side. There's no such thing. They need you when they need you. Hindi kung kailan ka convenient. Yeah. Hindi kung kailan ka my horas. When they need you, is the most important time for them. Hing bi kung kai lan ka wala meeting or wala hang engagement and all of that. So that's a very resonating story for a lot of parents.

SPEAKER_02 34:16

Nay perception.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

Red is uh almost 22 now. So mejo must be older na yung perception nya or yung, sagot nya no. He said that what he likes about my parenting is that I trusted him enough to get himself into enough trouble and learn on his own. And when the when the learning doesn't land, I still hold him to consequences. At least that's how he put it. Tilwen yung pangakon bagong. Sab nyang ta wogdaudon in today's generation is F around and find out. That's how they describe it. And I think that's what he said. Siraili so obviously has a different perception. She said na I was very strong, but I was also very loving. That's beautiful. But that's their perception.

SPEAKER_02 35:15

What about our moms? Let's talk a little bit about our moms. So, you know, you can see that. Let's talk about our moms briefly. What do you think would be your mom's perception of how you are as a mom? Do you think that she would, you know, applaud how you are? She'll have a different observation, she will disagree with how you are. What are your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_00 35:45

I think my mom will say, or at least she sees my effort. She will not say, obviously, that I'm a perfect mother and whatnot, bro. But I think she will say that I am I put so much effort into understanding the perspective of my kids, seeing things from their vantage point, carrying the responsibility, especially that, you know, I'm a single parent, obviously I there is no tag team. Walakamba, so lahat yon nakulang. I think she sees that I try to make it right. And when I don't, I know that she sees how aware I am. And, you know, I was telling you, sometimes I feel like short of the expectation of being a mom. And I call her, you know, she lives in Melbourne, so I call her. I tell her, Nama, to kaya, gna ganya. And obviously, you know, she still guides me very, very closely. And those I really treasure yung tawa kusa nya. Again, self-reliant. It's very rare that I run to and ask. And to me, I I think that's what she'll say. She sees the effort of how much time, how much energy I put in so that I can do this right. Yeah. Despite the fact that magisa ngako. She's not gonna say, ah, she's a perfect mother, because I am very far from being a perfect mother. But to me, that's the highest compliment I can get from my mom. Now she sees that I'm trying, despite the fact that I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

I think my my my mom would say the same, but but my mom would also say that because she's the real disciplinarian. And she's the one who nudges me and tells me now, okay, Tanichi, you're too nice. Because she said that at one point she felt like I was overcompensating for maybe my past mistakes or how busy I am. Like, she keeps reminding me, don't overcompensate because you're doing the right thing. Yeah. So she pain consensus. She would tell me. Because we grew up very differently, me and my mom. Kaya, that's why I grew up independent as well. That's why she keeps telling me, I'm ta maka man mom. Okay, patama kaam. Yeah, so she's the one who keeps me who reminds me that I am doing right by my child. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:19

My mom, I feel, is she'll see some things that are very similar. Like the basic instinct. My mom was very chill. Like she wasn't just like me now. I've never felt pressure about grain, you mag and we could rely on her. But our situations are very different. And she would have seen, she's probably looking at me and she's seeing me make choices that she couldn't make back then because it was a different situation. We were four kids, and how many? We have Max, you know. So, and I didn't, my mom quit when my brother was born. So, after me, Dave, when Dave was born, he she quit working and my dad continued to work. And obviously for me, I didn't quit my job. And of course, um, my husband is also very different from how my dad was. You know, Sean, and I know my mom is so grateful that I married a man like him because she knew I can't cook and he can cook, you know. And Sean is the type now he's a very confident guy, but if he sees my shoes, bag go umales madome, lily ni sen yep. And my mom loves that, of course. Of course. So she sees all these things, and that so she understands why I'm different in how I am with Max. Because there's a lot of things that are different in our lives too. But I think she trusts me and she knows that I'm always gonna do what's best. No matter what it is, sometimes I I feel like my dad will question my decisions more or will wonder about it. But my mom will always say, Alam nya. So yeah, I think it's it's a different time, different journey for me. So is there anything in your mom's style that's different or your wrote?

SPEAKER_01 39:55

Madameop. You said na ma ka ibahayo. Ma ka iba ka mea, yes. Madame na kon ki no pia sa. That bang.

SPEAKER_02 40:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Like we talked about it, this yung contrast na min. When I was growing up, she never went to school. To my school. Never. But I think there was a lot of value with me growing up that way. And at the same time, I see how this generation is very different.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

Growing up, my brother and I, even with my younger siblings, mommy ko never controlled us. Yes. She never controlled us. She never felt the need. Na, oh, kayo da pat ganito ganon, nikami ninya kami pin nalakinanganon. She was always You're free to choose. Just be very cognizant about the fact that you have to live up to the consequences. Lagiangon. It's not that. Decision and mo, you know, these are the pros and cons. If you want my opinion, I'll give it to you. Pero you'll be the one to deal with the consequences. That's one. And I think I have to say this, no. One of the things that I learned from my mom is that she's ready to admit when she makes a mistake. Yes. And I know that that's very atypical of their generation. But my mom wasn't like that. You know, when we call things out, but call out in a very respectful way, right? But when you do call her attention on something, it's easy for her to say, I sorry, and that wasn't what I meant. Right? Or I probably said the wrong thing. And I tried to emulate that with my children. For them to be assured na it's it's okay. Parenting is not perfection. Yes. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

Okay, on that note, the closing statement is motherhood changed me by blank. What is the blank of the blank? Motherhood changed me by clarifying or strengthening my boundaries. Because now, you know, I draw the line with my time, with my you know, effort. But also it removed my boundaries for love and always that awareness. And I keep going back to it because I feel like honestly, moms, we could be in one room, and our kid will say something in another room, and instinctively you're like, oh, something's up, something's wrong. So that focus on somebody, and when they're not in our sight, you know that someone precious exists. This person is in this world, so you are stronger and you're protecting their vulnerability. So all of those things I feel like motherhood really deepened who I am and allowed me to feel emotions on a very different level.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

Go ahead, madame. For me, motherhood showed me how to show up. Show up when to show up, and show up even when you don't want to show up. And even when you're so exhausted. I know that my mom will do anything, absolutely anything for me, good or bad. Yeah. My mom will do absolutely anything for me. And I would do the same to my children. But I want to teach them that everything we do, you have to be responsible for and accountable for whatever outcome of your actions are. So that changed how I choose where to go, where I show up, who I go with. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 43:42

Motherhood changed me by showing me what grace means. Grace to me used to be kindness, gentle ka. And then I learned that grace meant staying, meant faithfulness, especially when you. Your child or children is hurting. They're resentful. They're doubting themselves. They don't have so much to give back or to offer you. But you still choose to hold their hand, stay faithful, hold their hand, but not tighten the grip. And just be there. I think it's easy for us to love our children when they're obedient. When they're chasing the gold stars, awardi, etc. Yeah. But let's face it, there will be days and times in their lives that it's hard to love them. And that's when it matters the most. That you stay and you become faithful. And that to me is grace. And that will change who I am inside. Very deeply. Beautiful. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

Baguetay Makaia. Yes. We will close this episode, but we should greet all the moms out there. Happy Martha. Happy Mother's Day. If you are a mom, give yourself a pat on the back. You are a hero. Yes. Yes. You are a hero. We celebrate you, a shiro. Yes. We celebrate you. Yes. Oh, you wanted to thank some.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

I wanted to thank someone. My friend who you met, you guys met earlier. She gave us gifts. She gave us candles from Alex and Coco. Alex and Coco are her kids. Oh, thank you so much, Chris. Thank you, Chris. The gifts, the candles, and they smell so good.

SPEAKER_02 45:27

Yes, I know. Thank you for giving me one. Thank you so much. Thank you again for joining us for another off the agenda conversation. And closing speech. Perfect. Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 45:46

Let's go. Again, thank you so much for joining us today. Don't forget to hit like and subscribe and the notification bell. Ping ting so that you are notified when a new episode comes.

SPEAKER_02 46:01

This is off the agenda with Tanichi, Lara, and Claire. See you again. Thank you.