Off The Agenda with TLC Podcast

Nobody Checked. So We're Checking Now.

Tonichi, Larah, Claire Season 1 Episode 1

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0:00 | 33:36

What does it actually cost to look like you have everything together?

Welcome to the very first episode of Off The Agenda with TLC — the podcast where we, Tonichi Achurra-Parekh, Larah Diaz-Sta. Maria, and Claire Sommereux-Alfonso (or TLC!) finally stop performing for the room and start talking to each other (and you) for real. This is the one we've been building to: raw, unscripted, and honestly overdue.

In this maiden episode, we introduce ourselves (not the LinkedIn version) but the real ones. The ones who showed up to work while quietly grieving, hustled through promotions while losing sleep, and kept the team inspired while nobody thought to ask, Are you still okay?

From Claire's journey of rebuilding after loss, to Larah's intersection moment between ambition and guilt, to Tonichi stepping into a new kind of courage. Episode 1 is a check-in that's years in the making.

Spoiler: nobody checked on us… so we’re checking it now.

If you've ever felt like you're doing everything right but somehow still running on empty… this one's for you. Like, follow, and subscribe on all platforms. Welcome to Off The Agenda. We're so glad you're here.

Off The Record, On Your Heart:

  • Nobody Was Going to Check. Waiting for someone to ask "are you still okay?" before you pause is a losing game. The check-in you've been waiting for? It was always yours to give yourself.
  • The LinkedIn Version Is Not the Whole Story. Every polished bio has a cost behind it: lost sleep, processed grief on a deadline, and promotions earned while quietly falling apart.
  • Keeping It Together Is Not the Same as Being Okay. Functional is not fine. Showing up is not healing. There is a difference, and you are allowed to name it.
  • The Cape Was Never Yours to Keep. Nobody handed it to you in a ceremony. You just picked it up one day because someone needed you to, and you forgot to put it down.
  • Your Definition of Success Has an Expiry Date. What drove you at 30 is not supposed to drive you at 45. Changing what you want is not failure. It is just growing up.
  • Choosing Yourself Is Not Selfish. It is overdue. If not now, then when?
  • You Are Not Behind. Some of us get there at 40. Some at 45. Some are still buffering… and that is also a valid place to be.

© 2026 A Team Dklutr Production

We'd Love to Hear Your Stories!

We checked in on ourselves, now we want to check in on you.

Have you ever kept it all together for everyone else while quietly wondering if anyone would notice if you didn't? Were you ever the high performer who was also, behind closed doors, just trying to survive the week? We want to hear it. The real version. Not the LinkedIn one.

Drop your story in the comments, send us a message on Instagram, or tag us in your own check-in moment. 

SPEAKER_01

We're all in our mid forties and we're in the phase where I think we've earned the right to unmask ourselves and really be candidly able to talk about what brought us here. There's always a story behind it.

SPEAKER_03

We all were going through this journey of uh racking up the accomplishments and people applauding that journey. But like you were saying, nobody's asking us, how are you really doing? And what was that costing us behind the scenes?

SPEAKER_01

Whether it's motherhood, leadership, work, friendship, whatever, being a daughter, napa demanding the money. So, you know, that whole journey was obviously was taxing, was enjoyable to a certain extent, but nobody really bossed to check.

SPEAKER_03

But why are we choosing to choose ourselves now at this time, at this season, in this season of our lives? Bakat nya ba natin to ginagawa. Bakat natin pini peeling pili inog sarili nat. Why not? Because why not?

SPEAKER_02

With Sanichi, Lara, and Claire. TLC Puyon. TLC.

SPEAKER_04

Yes. While we were talking, na realized natin tapat ni record natin to. Right? Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, we were talking over sangrias. Yes, over sangrias. And the isip natin na meron matayang kabuluhansa mga si nasabi natin. So mean san. Mean sat.

SPEAKER_01

Ma dinaswan lang kabulu handa ka kata walang. Pero mean sanan. Mean san meran. So khayata y na ka isipang podcast. Yes. Ikao. Now take on why we're here. Mas magandang tanong is why are we doing this now? Okay. Na yun na of the age. Do I really have? I think it's an important time, right? We're all in our mid-40s. Yeah. We're all in our mid-40s and we're in the phase where I think, or I feel personally, I'll speak for myself. We've earned the right to unmask ourselves and really be candidly able to talk about what brought us here. Not so much the what's on paper. Yeah, yeah. About what's the strategy. That work. No, it's not about that. It's about what really is the story behind who we are. Who we are. What they see today. They see you on LinkedIn, they see you on all of these forums, they see me on many events, many interactions. They feel like I na pa ka high performing ng mga taungko ginyan. But in reality, right, there's always a story behind it. And I feel like this now is the opportune time where we can talk about it without having to be scared about what we people think. Tapas expectations na baka hindi natin mamit. Uh uh.

SPEAKER_04

Actually, I think in so many ways, we are jumping off from the same point, but must advance sa konang kon. I think my advance in my seniority.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, seniority.

SPEAKER_04

Advance in a way, na. I can completely relate to where we are now, but at the same time, there's a part of me that's already reflecting the journey has been. Mama yamalama natin. Kung vakia takon, right. Okay.

SPEAKER_03

It's the perfect segue to our very first episode, which is Nobody Checked. So we're checking now. Yun. Nobody checked. Ta yunal. Guys will la punang check same. Kung okay kame. Mg pasin tabi key s mg.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, of course.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. My husband, Sean, love you. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Checked in on you, na man. No, but the real, I think what we need to unpack today is how we got here. What is the story behind the journey? Yep. Right? And how all of that, and through all of that, nobody really paused and checked in and said, Okay kalamba.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Kayamoba. Right? And even us. I don't think I ever paused and said, I feel like through the many years, we just went on and on and on trying to juggle all of these things, whether it's motherhood, leadership, work, friendship, whatever. Being a daughter, na pa demanding the mga. So, you know, that whole journey was obviously taxing, was enjoyable to a certain extent, but nobody really posts it. So you know, yes.

SPEAKER_03

We're doing this for ourselves and also for people out there who are going through the same journey. I wait. You can name your listeners, like you give them a name. But I'm going to go to the house. So let's start there. Okay, let's tell our sangres. Let's start with the journey, like you said. Let's take a look at the last five to ten years. Yes. When we were in our 30s, right, Claire? Oh. Okay. In the last five to ten years, what were the things that you were doing that made people say, wow, Angela, you've got everything together. The amazing things first, like the amazing things you were accomplishing over the years. Um, in the last five to ten years.

SPEAKER_01

Last five to ten years? What was I busy doing? Ah, reckoning, no, looking back five to ten years, keeping things together. Yep. Despite the fact that my personal life went through a like literally life-changing event, no. So some 10 years, actually 11 years ago, I lost my husband. So I had to be a single parent. But even after that, I took like, I don't know, two, two and a half months of work.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But even after that, I resumed going back to work. Got through all of my stuff, right? Got promoted twice after that. Yeah. And it was a journey. And I remember people applauding. Applauding and telling me, oh, congratulations. You know, you still hold your life together, Ganyan. In spite of it. Oh, in spite of. And that to me felt and those were the moments I felt like, ah, okay. Everybody was applauding me for keeping everything together, including myself. Yeah. Or at least looking like I had myself together. But nobody was really checking in how I was managing. All of that.

SPEAKER_03

All of that. Okay. Pause. Yes. Pose mu na pause. What about you tell the sangress?

SPEAKER_04

Bing la realized na yung ten years ago mo. Paga antan dahu napalangon. Agenda. No, because looking back, you know, I went through a very difficult time. And that was, you know, in the midst of promotions for me. I started being really engaged with the industry. And then I lost a baby. And so it was, like you said, you know, it appeared that I'm all put together. Yeah. But it's because I needed to. Right? Pero nobody really asked, okay. And you have a team, eh? But we grew up in this industry, always having a team. Always having a team who looks up to us. Yes. And we take that responsibility so we don't take it lightly, right? So every time you show up, you show up like you're okay. Yes. So while you were saying that, na isakung, iba din yung level nung pinagda an ko for the past 10 years. Yes. Dun sa 15 years. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03

Very similar. Very similar. Yes, karamungitay mgara samal mga na. But very similar. Growth in work, obviously changed, a change in roles, like moving from the support, function, trading and quality to transformation, which was such a change for me. And then of course getting promoted. And then max as well, right? Getting maxi. Unlike these two po isilang anako, yes. Not that much. Yeah. I know. I know. Conservative. Separate episode. Separate episode.

SPEAKER_04

But I think for today.

SPEAKER_03

But very similar journey. A lot of accomplishments, people saying, wow, you know, you're so young and you, you know, you have all your life together. Bakhet, you're so young. So I think just like you too, we all were going through this journey of racking up the accomplishments and people applauding that journey. But like you are saying, nobody's asking us, how are you really doing? And what was that costing us behind the scenes or behind the scenes, if you want an accent? What was that costing you? What was that costing you to bring all of that forward? What were we going through in the background? What were we compromising? What were the things that we were letting go of? For me, I'll start not my health. I think, I mean, of course, you girls know this last two years has been a journey back to being a really great health. Yes, balik alind dog balik, Lara Lipa. Lara Diaz, Santa Maria. And it was, but my health was one of those. Nah, talagang, I stopped going to the gym because I was just it was about work and then max. Not sleeping. Not sleeping, not eating right. It really cost me a lot. I didn't get sick, thankfully, but I put on a lot of weight and I was lucky. Yeah. But that was a big change for me. What about you? What did it cost you? Your sanity? Yes. Your skin.

SPEAKER_01

I think what it cost me was really time to process my emotions. Parang wala on karapatangos. Or wala kung karapata na. Ma pa good. Even. Kasi especially when I lost my husband. Actually, very quickly. Yeah, yeah. Ever since I was a kid, I was self-reliant, highly independent. Kin ni o katulang kids. Na. Ma tung wan mg sa assignment kong. No, never. My mom never went to my school to enroll me. Talagang akulang, even in elementary school. So, so bran hai highly independent. When I finally married Fonsi, that's when I felt na a okay, pwada mgpa y sacan. Baby ka. Ngba brati ta naango na mo, mgpa drive sa office, my nagaan da ngba oko.

SPEAKER_03

Toto kila ko pusha na 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_01

And then, you know, 11 years ago, suddenly he passed away at the age of 38, and I was like, I was broken into a million, million pieces. And I didn't know how to pick up myself. So pana kiningko, anun ng yare. And obviously all of my future plans had him in it. And then suddenly I had to pick up all these pieces on my own. So, because I couldn't afford that my children will look at me and worry. I I remember promising myself, na, I will take myself through all of this. Shampre ngbago ka pasa grief journey. Feeling mm-hmm inside. Another episode. Another episode. But I have to pick up myself, etc. Because my kids cannot worry. How old were they back then? Riley was five. Red was ten. Yeah. So I yu hung makung si la ng thought naparang naho la ng dadiko. So how are we gonna survive? Yeah. I took it upon myself. No, they can't have that worry. I will make them feel that, you know, I will make duke. So at the cost of kwadi bakung mg pa hinga, kase pa good naho, or natatakot naho, for the first time in my life, I was really dead scared. Like, how will I do this on my own? Yeah. Toto lang waling yok sabanyo. So I think that day, yung the ability or the the opportunity to process and to really pause.

SPEAKER_03

Uh uh, so were you like, but interested. Like, were there moments that literally empty shell? Like going to the book.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, so bra as in. For the first year that Fonzi was gone, I remember going to work. Uh-oh. Familiar yung faces na mga tao, but I couldn't remember what their names were. So baba ti nila, hi boss claire, gana. How are you po? I was like, but I couldn't really say na, oh hi to nichi, because I couldn't remember their names. And that was coming from a place na sobrang functioning lang ho. Yeah. Tapas, I'll go home because it's morning, right? Tapu sayo morning. I'll fix breakfast for the kids. I'll send them to school. Pag na sakina na service ya na nabas kunang vodka hung. Uh. Vodka for the day. For the win. 2 p.m. Yes. Tapu sa tapos kuna lahat na kabao koondasai. Kagawan na ng de ka ng. Oh, right. Oh true. Tapus na. Mga 2 p.m. Shemp. Na to kana ksi naka i lang vodka na ko. Tulong. Mga 4.30 da ting na service na mga bata. Kanun na koka high functional. Functional. But I wasn't really there.

SPEAKER_03

Dibunga caller blind kapa. Caller blind.

SPEAKER_01

Like she lost. Yeah. My sense of colour.

SPEAKER_03

Uh oh. Because of the grief.

SPEAKER_01

I think that's what I really. It cost me that. The ability to just be. Yeah. Be. Yung akulang. Yung walang responsibility.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Clearly, hindi ganda. Kasi nigga ng.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. Tell the sangress.

SPEAKER_04

Gusangba. Sakin. Kasi yung sake, the past nine years of my life has been the best years of life. No, I'm not going to be able to do that. Okay. I think for me, the past nine years of my life is really the best years of my life. In fact, at one point I told my mom, because while it was the best years of my life, I experienced grief because I lost my sister. And I had to keep telling my mom that, mom, if something happens to me, please never worry that, you know, I didn't have a full life. Because now I'm the happiest. So okay, lung. Okay ka gyanya. But I feel like while I was happy from uh family standpoint, you know, I have a husband who is so supportive of everything that I do professionally, financially, everything. My kids. I did feel like I got to a point in my career where I was at an intersection. Hindi na sawa, pero big la kasia hung ka option. So from the time I graduated, kase. Like what you're saying, right? Boom. You don't even think about, you know, what's next. I'm just, okay, tomorrow, what's next? Next, next. I have an ambition. I need to get there. So kailang next, next, next. Big lang, I have a husband who tell me, you know, I've got you. Yeah. And so then I came to an intersection because I realized I wasted some years with my older kids. Nah I missed out because I was so busy. Yes. And then now you're at a point where you can. Yeah. Why not? But I felt I wasn't ready for that because I was still proving something to myself. Nah, okay, kayako pato. Me galing pa ako me ilalaban paho, meerun pa hong ibubu. Ibubu. So, pero while I was doing that, I was trying to fulfill myself. Yeah. Right? But I was also feeling guilty because I can, but I'm not with my other kids. Yeah. So, mag work, work, work. Justified. Yes, justified. Yung pan kabisi. Pero yang Dina.

SPEAKER_01

Nging yung tikaka kasa mas pili pini mung makaba. Kay na hindi munga mana natalga kaila. Hindi kaila.

SPEAKER_03

Pero nba kat nya ba pini li mung magaba. Hokai ni muna kaila. No, I think that's an interesting question to ask or maybe answer.

SPEAKER_04

First of all, I've always dreamed of what we're doing now. What I'm doing. This is as soon as I graduate, I'm one of the blessed persons. Na, as soon as I graduate, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Nung, customer service.

SPEAKER_01

I loved poster girl. Right?

SPEAKER_04

So interesting. But I also had the vision of myself. Corner office, na executive level.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. That's so interesting. And I didn't know I've also known her for 20 plus years. Okay.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. Ganunako. Ka the ying feature. Yes. Go, go, go. And then. Pag when I went past 40, a lot of it changed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

I guess the next question we should answer is So what trigger the shift now? I feel like now we're willing to say to ourselves, I'm not fully okay. I'm not fully okay. And that's okay. That I'm not fully okay. Just like a lot of people that are going through the same journey that I'm doing all these things, pero dinamanako okay, but okay, lamayon. Why now? Yeah, is it just the age, you think? Or because we've accomplished so much, or we're just tired?

SPEAKER_01

I think it's uh it's a feature all together, right? Let's be very transparent. Number one, kung pila, mate. Let's be let's be very straightforward about this. We've come to a point in our lives where financial freedom, so to speak, but at least you're comfortable enough, you're stable enough. You know that you can choose. Yes. That's an option, yung. And you know, I don't think any of us are actually reliant fully on somebody else, whether it's our husband or our family or our parents. So, number one yun, na kaya muna.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Pangalawa, I think it's also the maturity. You come to a certain age. And I was telling Lara Kanina in the car coming here, na, you know, I don't think people talk about what the 40s do. Yeah. Nung 40 hours, that I can tell people to F off. Yeah. I'm not gonna waste my time or engage myself in things. Feeling it's a waste of my time and my energy. So right now that's how I feel. I can share what I think without unmasking. Without being afraid of not meeting certain expectations or not being agreeable to people. Right? But you just know that you have a stand because of the journey that you've been in. Yeah. Kanya merg kala patan to talk about things. You're too young, walaka pang alam sa mundo. Right? And because probably the life journey that I've had, I feel like I have good enough stories to share of that journey. And last but not the least, is obviously accomplishment. You know, in our industry, you need data to back it up. Yes. So I think that's why I felt like when you girls ask me na mg podcast, I felt so all in. Because now is the right time for me to be able to share. Hindi man relatable. Which is fine, right? But I'm sure there are a few who will relate and understand.

SPEAKER_03

I agree. For me, it's also a change in a definition of what I value now as what is success for me is completely different. It used to be a lot of it is, of course, the going up the ladder, getting paid more. For me, it's now about my my daughter and just making sure that she has the kind of life where you can see that. When she's, you know, growing up and she's like, I wanna, because she's into music, as you know, gusunya magbasking sahoria, let's go. Yes, BTS tickets, yes, po pta puha me in June. Hello, bora he armi. So I think the definition of success has changed for us at this age. So we are okay with not being okay. So we're no longer chasing the corner office. So yeah, because that's changed. I feel like we are ready to also choose ourselves more and not compromise on the things that we used to because of the other definitions of success that we had. Right? Right.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_04

I feel like late bloom. You guys experienced late bloom.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, I agree. This is for another episode, yeah. People pleasing. I agree with Molnek. 100%.

SPEAKER_04

So from what I remember, pag that tingko nag 45 kona is. Yes. I can't say if I don't want to do it, yes. When I don't wanna do it, I won't do it. But I will say it nicely. That's really me. In fact, you know, I will bend over backwards to do something for people. Min sangya yon, I realize na ngata shaga wen na. Pero kaya, I go back to my core. I ask myself, do I really wanna do it for this person? If I do kait ma pago daho. Oh, yeah. Pero now, like you guys, I have learned to start choosing myself more.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, palak pakunaphans. Because the golden age, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I I feel the most important question that we should end this with is when are we gonna start asking? Instead of have I done enough or am I doing enough to am I okay? I think that's an excellent question to ask. And to start. I've done enough. Maybe it's time that I should start asking myself, am I really okay? You know, is this still something that I want to do? Kasi sha, nan dun na dosha sa point. Uh uh.

SPEAKER_03

I think I mean for me I still have a lot of as far as building that future for Max. I mean, uh, there's a lot a lot more, you know, but it's all for her now. I mean, not for myself. It's really about of my effort is about that. And your future. And I'm okay with that. That makes you okay for yourself. And I still will keep the boundaries. That's that's it. Like the boundaries I didn't used to have. I still will keep them. The boundaries that keep me sane and that allow me to be healthy, that allow me to do the things I want, I will stand by those boundaries. That's so I am there. Like I'm okay with not being okay, but I wanna be okay more. So I'll choose myself more, just like what Tony Chi said.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, and uh, and I'm not gonna.

SPEAKER_04

So thanks, uh. Thank you, Nana man. So, yes, I got there. I got there already. I mean, I got there, it's bittersweet, right? Like there's a big part of me that know that I need to choose myself because this is what I wanna do. I wanna spend time. Where I want to spend time with what's important. Okay. Okay. I just wanna keep going because it's what I want to do. But I want to prioritize and this is how I ended up here.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Buffering paho bag. Ma hina wifi suming ko. Shout out to the book. Shout out to lagoon. Um, but I seriously think na ng dun pa sa process na yon. Parangi pa ako completely over that line. While I feel I am much more courageous and braver with choosing myself more and more often, I can't say na, you know, I'm already at a point na all I think about is am I okay? Yeah. No. Cause I still you know what they say, right? Setting boundaries. The hardest part about setting boundaries is not the one that you set with other people. It's the one that you set with yourself. Yourself.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

I grew up feeling all my life, I grew up feeling that my existence is about being useful to others. Useful to my kids, useful to the company, useful to my family, the ba. So that boundary is still being crossed sometimes. Nah. Because I'm not okay. I'm tired, I'm exhausted, especially when I started to hit 45. Pero hindi pay, hindi kupa shaka yang consistently 100%. Na, I'm okay lang. I think it's a journey. I mean it still is, and it will continue to be. So pak to masang MBP esko.

SPEAKER_04

I feel like it's still a journey. It's still a journey dipa. I'm learning more about myself now. If I want to, I can, but I choose not to anymore.

SPEAKER_02

I believe you. I believe you.

SPEAKER_03

Okay. But I think we can close this first episode maybe with just leaving our listeners, our sangres. Yeah, sangre muna for this first episode. Oh, papa litana. What? What's one thing that you've started to do for yourself that is going to lean you more towards okay? Just one, not not like a heavy big tip, no more of like quiet experiments. Like for me, I I make sure I sleep eight hours, regardless of you know what I mean, something like that. Like some small thing that is about you and taking off the superwoman cape and being okay with that. Like the BTS concert na pinili la putahan in June, ka it, na? Yes, guys.

SPEAKER_01

Piniliko parina sa biliko. So yes, minilikin BTS ticket. Guys, honestly, ang pina kamalakik recently is I choose who I spend my weekends with. Oh, that's yeah. I don't attend like family gathering. Sorry, can't so I make up excuses. But nga yun alam nan. Yes, I choose snap and so dan key drama today. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Uh, but I uh yes, same, yes, same. Not coming up with excuses anymore to explain myself, you know. I'm j I'll just I'll do what I want. I'm not hurting anyone. I'm you know, it's the same for me. What about you? Me. Iba to iba to logic.

SPEAKER_04

Off the age. Of the age and I'm able to choose to take care of myself more. And it's largely because I'm not sure. Pilates reformer. Yes. So that every day yoga tapos pagnavging busy naho. Or once a week, twice a week. But now I make a conscious effort to prioritize on that and my Pilates because I have to make myself create an episode for everybody.

SPEAKER_03

Let's answer the question of uh, I think the most important question is why, right? Why are we choosing to choose ourselves now at this time, at this season, in this season of our lives? Baket nya ba natin to ginagawa. Bakat natin pini piling pili inog sarilinat. Unahinatchi madam. Madam, dail pinil.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, kasi nakata win kana. Uh oh. So na sa yung. Buton ng wisdom. Let's go. Why not? Because why? Because why not? Yeah. I also think na because you know what they say? Data science says the average lifespan is what, 77? 70. 80 if you're lucky. So inang years na ng yun. How many summers? How many rainy seasons? I wanna say winter, winter sa piti pina. So but you know, the reality is you don't necessarily have a lot of time. Yes. And when will you start doing it? When will you start taking care of yourself more, choosing yourself more, prioritizing what you want and not those of the people around you? So parang kiniko kung dipang ayun kelan pa tag line yung.

SPEAKER_03

So I agree with that. We live in a day, in an era where everything moves so fast. Yes, like lightning speed. And if you if you don't stop to think about where you're spending your moments with whom, on what, you'll be surprised. You're at the end of that journey, you know, and then you've got what an empty shell. So I think at this age, we don't want that. And we're choosing not to find ourselves in that spot 20, 30, 40 years from now. So that is the why behind all of this. Why we're choosing ourselves, why we're choosing to honor. Honor who we are. Who we are, and what and what we want. And what we have done. And what we have. And what we will do. And what we will do. And who will. So thank you for spending the time with us today. We hope that you enjoyed our first episode and you'll spend time to get to know us more. Please like, follow, subscribe, and all of the platforms that you will see somewhere here. Thank you so much again for joining us on Off the Agenda with Danichi Lara Claire.